Venting

I feel the need to vent my frustration/garner support about what a tough time I had yesterday during my long run. We are about 7 weeks out from the actual marathon date and the long runs are getting somewhat taxing. Last week was 16 miles, which I did with my training group as scheduled on Saturday morning. And while I couldn't wait for the run to be over during the last few miles, it was not a completely unbearable experience.

This week was 18 miles, which I had to do by myself since Scott was out of town and couldn't be wtih the kids on Saturday morning during the group run. I chose to play hooky from work (kind-of) on Friday morning and run for three hours after dropping off the kids to school. I say it was "kind-of" hooky since I made up the time by getting up REALLY early several mornings to do work, but it was hooky in the technical sense since I was not in the office (and was running) during regular business hours. Ah, the blessings of being employed in the world of academia, where in business schools there are no classes held on Fridays and no one watching your back about when and where you work.

Anyway, I felt mentally prepared for this run beforehand. Partly because I have done 18 miles by myself once before (two years ago, when I tried in vain to prep for this same marathon race and got injured so couldn't continue) and partly because I knew I had no other choice. The only time I have to exercise this weekend is with the kids, and 18 miles of running just does not happen with a 7 and 4 1/2 year old in tow (unless they are in school).

So I did it, and it was tough. My legs felt like jelly towards the end and mentally I wasn't quite there half the time. I mean, I must have been OK in an overall sense since I actually finished within my 3-hour time frame (mandated by the annual teacher's conference appointment with Amelia's teacher that I had to get to over the lunch hour on Friday), but it was hard and I hated how I felt afterwards (so dang tired and achy). I ran 9 miles outside along a route I know well (the Katy trail), and then was planning to stop in the gym at SMU for four (to get hydrated, take some GU, and relax while watching the mid-morning news on the treadmill) and then continue along a 5-mile route towards home. But instead I did the 9 outside and decided to do 8 on the treadmill at the SMU gym, partly because I wanted to stay motivated (it's hard to stop and walk when you are on a treadmill, much easier when you are outside) and partly because I wanted to monitor my pace. I did the 9 outside, 8 on the treadmill, and 1+ home, but it was mind games the whole way. There were a few glimmers of hope - Kim, I got some good inspiration from your site and downloaded new songs which debuted during this run on Friday, which helped the mood a lot - but I don't get how I will be able to run 8 more than this distance come December for the full marathon. After finishing on the treadmill I ran very slowly home, wobbly on my jello legs. I got in 18 or 19 for the day, and I was so relieved to just finish.

We have 20 miles scheduled for the group run this coming weekend, and I look forward to seeing if I react better in a group setting, particularly because this will be my longest run to date in my life. If thousands, no probably millions, of people are successful at finishing marathons each year, and given that I know I am a reasonably fit person who keeps in pretty good shape, shouldn't I be able to do it too? I hope so! And more imprtantly, I hope that this past week has given me some strength upon which to draw when times are tough on long runs in the future or on race day. I know this marathon thing it isn't easy, but what I am looking for the most is to be happy about this experience, as I do not want to feel a sense of dread or obligation about completing the goal I set for myself.