The path

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. – Proverbs 16:9

As all of you know, for the past eleven years I have been working as a university professor. This academic career path began in the summer of 2000 when I made the decision to quit my job and return to school to pursue a Ph.D. in Accounting. With Scott’s support (we were engaged at the time and were married the next year), we moved to Chapel Hill, North Carolina so that I could begin my graduate program. The next five years were full of challenging course work that made significant demands on my (moderate, for the Ph.D. world) intellectual capabilities and allowed me to explore the teaching and research sides of an academic career. The goal at the end of my training was to pursue a tenure-track position as an accounting professor at a research-oriented university. So in spring of 2005 I was thrilled to accept an offer to join the faculty of Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas. We were both very excited because moving to Dallas was a good fit for Scott’s career given the numerous opportunities for tax consulting work in this large city.

On the career side, the next seven years were filled with routine tasks of academic life. I taught a handful of classes each year, interacted with fellow colleagues, and pursued my research interests with the goal of publishing academic studies in the top academic accounting journals. I had some success with research - my dissertation got published in a top accounting journal, great! I also learned that I was a good teacher, and more importantly, that I love teaching and working with serious-minded students. On the personal side, I was a young mother with pre-school (and then elementary-age) children, and wife to a husband with a very demanding career in the client service industry. Scott and I were busy and career-driven, grateful for our family and for our relatively easy way of life in Dallas. Our kids were growing up well, and we created many good family memories in between all of our work obligations. We bought a home about a mile away from the SMU campus and about five miles from Scott’s office, which allowed us both to spend a minimal amount of time spent driving and commuting around. I felt like I had a good amount of “work/family balance” (whatever that means). I was glad that my flexible professor work schedule accommodated our family’s lifestyle.

But my efforts weren’t “enough” for my career. The funny thing about being a tenure-track faculty member at a research-oriented university is that your evaluations are based largely on your research accomplishments (about 75% weight), with minor weighting on the teaching. So I started to learn that the thing I was better at – teaching – was not valued at the institution I was a member of. Ultimately my contract was going to expire at SMU in the next two years because I didn’t meet the research standards, and since Scott and I didn’t want to leave Dallas I started looking for another job at a local university.

In spring of 2012 I felt I found a good match at Texas Christian University, located in Fort Worth, Texas (about 40 miles from our home in Dallas). I accepted a position for a tenure-track position as an accounting professor - again. The professional evaluations of progress towards tenure at TCU were slightly less tilted towards the research side (maybe 60/40, rather than 75/25), so I thought this might be a better fit for me. I thought this would be a fresh start, per se, to try again at the “traditional” academic path.

Rewind, repeat, I did the same thing at TCU for four years that I had done at SMU for seven years prior. Except now I had to factor in a one-hour one-way commute (up to two-hours each way on bad traffic days) on the days I went to Fort Worth. I only travelled to Fort Worth on the days I taught classes or had meetings with students (about 3 days a week, on average). I also enjoyed working from home on the days I didn’t have to commute, and I tricked myself into believing that this arrangement was rewarding.

But again I learned that my efforts on the career side weren’t “enough”. While my teaching ratings were well above average, the academic papers I published while I was a faculty member at TCU weren’t judged to be of the quality required for a successful tenure case. So at the end of my 11-year journey down the traditional tenure-track route, I was very frustrated with the very high and seemingly unattainable research standards deemed acceptable to earn tenure. I was beyond emotionally ready to pursue an alternative. From a practical perspective, I needed to find something different if I wanted to continue to work in the Dallas area. Scott and I decided that we weren’t interested in moving away from Dallas given our family’s quality of life here and the rewards for Scott’s career.

So I contacted the Dallas-area universities and inquired about teaching-oriented positions. I knew I was done pursuing academic research as part of my career. I explained my situation to the accounting department leaders at The University of Texas at Dallas and SMU and expressed interested in joining their faculties. Neither school had a job posting at the time, but both schools seemed enthusiastic about potentially having a position open up in the next few years that would be a good fit for my experience and areas of interest. So I resigned myself to wait patiently for a more local position to open up. In the meantime I could still work at TCU for a while longer under my current contract.

Fast forward to a random Friday in February of this year when I was working at home on class preparation tasks. I checked email after taking a break to prepare my lunch and I saw a message in my inbox from the SMU accounting department chairman. He was writing to tell me that the Dean had recently approved a full-time teaching position and he wanted to ask if I was interested in returning to SMU in this role. This message was unexpected, but seemed to be good news. After inquiring further about the details of the position and conducting several telephone conversations to determine if this was a good fit for me, I replied yes and gladly accepted a job offer for a full-time teaching position at SMU.

The classes that I will teach at SMU match my experience and interest, and the number of classes and timing is very reasonable for the compensation provided under the contract. More importantly, I am looking towards a future career with a more reasonable family/work life balance schedule. I never thought that driving all the way to Fort Worth several times each week would be so taxing (both on me personally and on our family in general), and I am thrilled to think that the crazy commute will be over soon. Scott seems to be pretty relieved about the new SMU arrangement as well, since my stress about commuting to Fort Worth and my cranky mood on bad traffic days was taxing on him as well as the rest of the family. On the professional side, I am very excited about being able to focus on teaching almost 100% of the time. I feel most engaged with academic life when I am in the classroom or meeting with students in my office one-on-one.

The purpose behind this post is partly to share news of my journey with friends and family, but more importantly to share the larger realization that this experience has given me. Several times throughout this long journey I have had to search deep to try and figure out what actions I should take when I was most frustrated. I did not ask myself what I really wanted to do and instead I chose what I “should do”. At times I prayed to God for patience while waiting for plans to evolve, but I tried to take more control over the situation than was feasible. And even though I felt like I was “in control” of my career path, forging forward with the research/teaching “balance”, I really don’t think that this is the case. I really wasn’t being honest with myself most of the time, nor was I really thinking about the fact that the “path” is not within my control.

For me, the bigger picture is that God has a plan for all of us, and that His plan gets executed rather than the plan we think we have in mind. God’s plan for us is not always what we want (or what we think we want – e.g., tenure and a research-oriented career, in my case), nor does His timing necessarily coincide with when we think things should happen in our lives. I think that God’s plan for me all along has been that I should teach and serve as a counselor/guide for college-aged students, because this is where He has graced me with ability and interest. Maybe the reason I tried to continue along the “traditional” academic route for so long was so that He could teach me this lesson, or so that I could learn this about myself. Maybe the reason I tried to continue that route was because I was stubborn and thought that I really was in control, when in reality I know that He is in control.

And really the even greater thought behind all this is that it’s not about God having a career path outlined for me, but more that if I follow God’s desire for me to act in His image, the rest will all work out according to His wishes. He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? – Micah 6:8

For the past two years I have served as a member of the Confirmation teaching team at our church. I am one of four parents who volunteer to work together to lead the Confirmation class of 6^th graders who are searching to understand whether they want to become members of our church. One of the more significant lessons that we teach the kids is that God has a plan for all of us, and ultimately His greatest desire is for us to serve Him in this chosen capacity and with the kindness and behavior of a Christian. So what is ironic is that I teach this lesson to kids and I do believe it academically, but yet it has taken me this long – 11 years! – to really feel the powerful effect of this lesson in my own life.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. – Romans 12:2